Quick Supports (30 seconds–5 minutes)

Breath (Optional, Not Required)

• Take one slow exhale (longer out than in)
• Place a hand on your chest or belly and breathe naturally
• Count 3 things you can see while breathing normally
• Skip breath work entirely if it increases distress

Body-Based Regulation

• Sit down or lie flat (horizontal can help overwhelmed systems)
• Drop shoulders and unclench jaw
• Press feet firmly into the floor or bed
• Stretch only the part of your body that feels tight
• Rock, sway, pace, or gently move
• Allow stimming (tapping, rubbing fabric, fidgeting)
• Movement and stillness are both regulation.

Sensory Support (Choose one sense at a time)

Touch

• Weighted blanket, heavy hoodie, or firm pressure
• Hand on chest, thighs, or back
• Comfort object or fidget

Sound

• Noise-canceling headphones or earplugs
• Brown noise, rain, or silence
• One familiar song on repeat

Visual

• Dim lights or close eyes
• Look at one predictable object or pattern
• Reduce visual clutter in one small space only

Temperature

• Cool water on face or neck
• Warm drink held in both hands
• Step outside briefly

If a sensory tool “should” help but doesn’t, discard it.

Micro-Moments of Safety

• Say quietly: “I’m safe right now.”
• Sit before responding
• Put phone face down for one minute
• Pause problem-solving
• Let yourself not fix anything for 60 seconds
• Pausing is not failing.

Cognitive Supports for Busy or Tangled Minds

• Name the state, not the story: “This is overwhelm.” “This is shutdown.”
• Use fewer words: “Pause.” “Later.” “One thing.”
• Write one sentence only (no journaling required)
• Set reminders instead of holding everything in your head
• Lower demands before adding coping strategies

Connection (Without Pressure)

• Sit near someone without talking
• Parallel play with your child
• Make eye contact and smile
• Send a one-word or emoji text to a safe person
• Pet an animal or watch a child or pet breathe
• Place a hand on your child’s back or your own and breathe
• Connection does not require conversation.

When You’re Near Shutdown or Meltdown

• Stop problem-solving
• Reduce language (yours and others’)
• Lower lights, noise, and expectations
• Cancel or postpone nonessential tasks
• Choose containment over calm (quiet, dark, pressure)
• Decide later. Nothing urgent needs clarity right now
• Safety first. Regulation second. Decisions last.

Daily Nervous System Care (No Extra Time Required)

• Eat something with protein or fat
• Drink water you actually like.  (Try options: sparkling, flat, flavored)
• Take medications and supplements consistently
• Build one predictable routine (same mug, same chair, same show)
• Go to bed 10–15 minutes earlier when possible
• Schedule recovery time after social or sensory demands

Permission Slips (For All Caregivers)

• You are allowed to sit instead of stand
• You are allowed to respond later
• You are allowed to ask for help
• You are allowed to accommodate yourself
• Rest is not a reward; it’s essential care
• Your nervous system is not broken. It is responsive to the demands you are facing.

Caregivers carry a lot emotionally, physically, and neurologically. Supporting your nervous system is not selfish or indulgent. It is foundational care that allows you to keep showing up with presence, connection, and compassion for yourself and your family.

Resources:

Encompass Parent Talks Podcast: Care for the Caregiver

Nervous System Care: Printable Version

Balanced and Brave Parenting Workshop

The post Care for the Caregiver: Nervous System Care first appeared on Encompass.

In the latest episode of our Parent Talks podcast, we chat with Encompass Pediatric Therapy Director Megan Walsh. We discuss how we can recognize our body’s signals for help, and tips for finding relief and support so we can be our best selves for the people we love.

Additional Resources:

Encompass Blog – Caring for the Caregiver: Nervous System Care

Balanced and Brave – Parenting Workshop

The post Care for the Caregiver: A Conversation with Megan Walsh first appeared on Encompass.

At the heart of Balanced & Brave is a simple truth: Children grow best when they feel safe, seen, and supported. When adults understand how the brain and nervous system really work, parenting becomes less about stopping outbursts and more about building relationships that help both parent and child feel connected.

Week 1: Felt Safety: Creating Emotional & Sensory Security

We began the series by unpacking one essential concept: Felt Safety. It’s one thing for a child to be safe, but it’s another for them to feel safe in their body and nervous system.

Families explored how tone of voice, posture, lighting, clutter, predictability, and even our facial expressions can send “you’re safe” or “you’re not safe” signals to a child’s brain. Instead of asking, “Why are they acting like this?” parents practiced shifting to, “What is my child’s brain or body needing right now?”

We also talked about the power of co-regulation—how children borrow the calm of a connected adult thousands of times before they can access calm on their own. Parents tried out simple supportive phrases such as, “This is hard, and I’m right here with you.” Small sensory tweaks, cozy spaces, flexible seating, and visual simplification gave families practical tools to take home right away.

Week 2: Sleep & Rhythm: Supporting Rest Through Connection

Almost every parent has struggled with their child’s sleep routine at one time or another. Families learned to pay attention to their child’s natural sleep window, to create bedtime rituals that feel loving instead of rushed, and to use movement, humor, music, and progressive relaxation to help kids wind down.

One of the most meaningful insights was that connection, not correction, is often what’s missing at bedtime. As one parent shared:

“Before, I felt like ‘What’s wrong with them?’ Now I’m wondering, ‘What’s going on for them?’ That shift alone has changed our evenings.”

Parents discovered that when adults slow their own pace, soften their voice, and make bedtime predictable, children settle much more easily. A regulated parent really does help create a regulated child.

Week 3: Temperament: Honoring the Unique Wiring of Each Child

Families were invited to look more deeply at temperament- the natural ways children experience the world from birth. We explored traits such as sensitivity, energy level, adaptability, intensity, and approach or withdrawal tendencies.

Instead of thinking of these traits as “good” or “bad,” families learned to see them as valuable information and ask a new question: How do my temperament traits and my child’s traits work together or bump into each other?

Through worksheets and conversations, parents mapped out both their own and their child’s temperament, noting where things flow smoothly and where friction tends to appear. The room was full of respect and relief. Temperament isn’t something to fix – it’s something to honor. Families shared strategies that made an immediate difference:

• Offering choices for kids who struggle with transitions
• Creating cozy, quiet spaces for slower-to-warm children
• Building movement breaks into the day for high-energy kids
• Using gentle warnings and predictable routines for kids who depend on structure
• Supporting sensitive kids with sensory-friendly environments

Understanding temperament helped parents see their kids and themselves with so much more compassion.

Week 4: Co-Regulation → Self-Regulation — The Long-Term Vision

Our final session tied everything together by exploring how children develop self-regulation over time by being co-regulated thousands and thousands of times. In other words, co-regulation is the “training wheels” for emotional independence. Kids don’t learn to regulate simply by being told to “calm down.” They learn by watching safe adults:

• Name their feelings
• Notice body sensations
• Use breath, movement, or grounding tools
• Repair after ruptures or disagreements

Parents practiced simple scripts such as:
“I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to take three slow breaths before I respond.”

Families then created their own Family Regulation Toolkits, filled with calming routines, sensory tools, emotional check-ins, and playful co-regulation strategies that fit their home and their child. We emphasized that regulation isn’t just a moment. It’s a rhythm created through repeated connection: shared breaths, inside jokes, rituals, movement breaks, or quiet presence.

By the end of the night, families had both practical tools and a reassuring reminder: self-regulation is absorbed through connection, not taught through lectures.

Throughout our time together, families consistently shared how transformative these small shifts felt.  They experienced less judgment and more curiosity, less tension and more connection.

Balanced & Brave gently reminds caregivers:

• Your child is not “too much.”
• You’re not doing it wrong.
• You’re doing something brave every time you choose connection over control.

By understanding temperament, respecting sensory needs, prioritizing felt safety, and practicing co-regulation, families are building strong foundations for emotional health and resilience, now and into the future.

What’s Next?

The next four-week Balanced & Brave series will begin in late January. Recorded sessions from this fall are also available through the Encompass Online Learning System. To request access, please email megan.walsh@encompassnw.org.

The post Balanced & Brave: Growing Connection Through Brain-Based Parenting first appeared on Encompass.

Over the course of an hour, a multidisciplinary team of mental health, occupational therapy, and speech therapy professionals guided kids through a series of playful, skill-building activities, all wrapped in Halloween magic.

The session began with a “Halloween Feelings Check-In,” where kids chose from a pumpkin face that matched how they felt.  Some kids reported they were silly, excited, or maybe a little nervous. Together, they learned that all feelings are okay and that Halloween can be both fun and a little scary sometimes.

Next, the Speech Therapy team helped children practice communication skills for trick-or-treating. Whether through verbal words, AAC (alternative and augmentive communication) buttons, or sign language, every child found their own way to say “Happy Halloween”, “Trick or treat!” and “Thank you!” A parent shared afterward, “My child said that they learned different ways to get trick or treats, and they seemed to feel more excited and less stressed about the events.”

In the Candy Dish Challenge, occupational therapists turned a favorite Halloween moment into a sensory adventure.  Kids reached into a bag filled with unknown things to pick out treats, practicing fine motor skills and self-control along the way.

The group then took on the “Spooky Decorations Walk,” exploring different levels of Halloween spookiness while learning coping strategies like deep breathing, grounding through the five senses, and checking in with a trusted adult when things felt “too spooky.”

The session ended in a joyful Halloween Parade, where children showed off costumes, practiced their new skills by trick-or-treating around the Encompass office, and reflected on one thing they felt confident doing this Halloween.

Confidence Camp: Halloween Edition reminded families that every child can shine on Halloween when they have the tools to communicate, self-regulate, and set boundaries. Most importantly, it created space for kids to celebrate exactly who they are.

The post Building Bravery and Belonging at Confidence Camp: Halloween Edition first appeared on Encompass.

What Is Reflective Consultation?

Reflective Consultation is a relationship-based, collaborative process that supports people working with young kids and their families. Reflective consultation offers a safe space where practitioners can slow down, explore their emotional responses, examine their relationships with families, and develop deeper insights into the work they do.

At its core, Reflective Consultation recognizes that caring for very young children and their families is emotionally demanding work. When professionals are supported through reflective processes, they’re better equipped to provide sensitive, responsive care that promotes healthy development and strong relationships. Reflective consultation is rooted in the concept of parallel process. Just as we want caregivers to be attuned, responsive, and emotionally available to young children, reflective consultants model these same qualities with the professionals they support. This creates a ripple effect where the quality of the consultant-consultee relationship directly influences the quality of care provided to children and families.

Key Components of Effective Reflective Consultation

Regular, Consistent Meetings: Reflective consultation isn’t a one-time workshop or crisis intervention. It requires ongoing, scheduled meetings that allow for relationship building and deeper exploration over time.

Focus on Relationships: Rather than simply problem-solving or skill-building, reflective consultation examines the relationships at the heart of early childhood work—between professional and family, between caregiver and child, and between the professional and their own emotional responses.

Emotional Safety: Participants need to feel safe expressing vulnerability, uncertainty, and even frustration. This requires consultants who are skilled in creating non-judgmental spaces and managing their own emotional responses.

Observation and Wondering: Reflective consultation often involves careful observation of interactions followed by collaborative wondering about what might be happening beneath the surface. This develops practitioners’ capacity for reflective thinking.

Strength-Based Approach: While acknowledging challenges and areas for growth, effective reflective consultation builds on existing strengths and recognizes the expertise that practitioners bring to their work.

The Research Behind Reflective Consultation

Studies have consistently shown that reflective consultation leads to improved outcomes for both professionals and the families they serve. Research indicates that practitioners who receive regular reflective consultation demonstrate:

• Increased job satisfaction and reduced burnout
• Greater capacity for self-reflection and professional growth
• Reduced staff turnover in early childhood programs

For families, the benefits include more sensitive and responsive caregiving, stronger relationships with service providers, and better engagement in services.

The Ripple Effect: From Consultation Room to Community

When we invest in reflective consultation for early childhood professionals, we’re really investing in the entire early childhood system. Supported professionals provide better care, which leads to stronger families, which creates healthier communities. The infant mental health principles that guide reflective consultation—attunement, responsiveness, and relationship-based care—become embedded in how we approach all our work with young children and families.

As our understanding of early brain development continues to evolve, the importance of supporting those who care for our youngest children becomes increasingly clear. Reflective Consultation isn’t just nice to have—it’s essential infrastructure for any system committed to promoting healthy development and strong relationships from the very beginning of life.

Encompass is now adding a monthly Reflective Consultation session for early childhood professionals in our community.  If you are interested, please join us for this important group. Learn more at the link below.

Reflective Consultation Meeting for Early Learning Professionals

The post Nurturing the Helpers: How Reflective Consultation Transforms Early Childhood Care first appeared on Encompass.

The Impact of Community Stress and Changes in Routine on Kids’ Nervous Systems During Summer Break

As the school year comes to a close and summer vacation begins, many families experience a significant shift in their daily routines. While the prospect of summer freedom is exciting, it can also bring intense challenges that might impact young children’s emotional and physical well-being. The changes in structure, combined with heightened community stress, can trigger responses in our nervous systems that often lead to anxiety, irritability, or mood fluctuations.

Community stressors, like ongoing social or political tensions and the abrupt shift from a structured school day to a less predictable summer schedule, can overwhelm kids’ nervous systems. When the brain senses uncertainty or disruption in routine, it can activate the fight or flight response, making it harder for anyone to regulate their emotions. Kids, and even adults, might act out, become withdrawn, or show signs of stress in unexpected ways.

Instead of responding to these behaviors with punitive measures, it’s important for parents and caregivers to focus on soothing the nervous system. Connection-based strategies are a gentle way to support children through this transition, helping them feel safe and secure despite the changes around them. Here are six connection-focused tips for parents and caregivers to try when things are difficult:

1. Create Predictable Routines

Children thrive on consistency, and the sudden lack of school schedules can create uncertainty. Set simple, predictable routines for daily activities like mealtimes, playtime, and bedtime. Knowing what to expect can help children feel more secure and reduce stress on their nervous system. Even if every day is a little different, building small rituals like affirmations or a funny handshake into every morning can help kids experience something expected.

2. Engage in Calming Activities Together

Physical touch, mindfulness exercises, or activities that engage the senses can help activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for relaxation. Try deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or gentle activities like coloring or playing outside in nature. Engage in these activities with your child to foster a sense of connection and safety. When kids see their favorite adult doing something, they are much more likely to give it a try.

3. Practice Active Listening

When people feel stressed, they need to feel heard. Instead of immediately offering solutions and moving quickly to problem-solving, try to listen attentively to your child’s concerns. Use empathetic phrases like, “It sounds like you’re feeling upset because things are different than last week,” and validate their emotions by saying things like, “I’d probably feel confused about that too!”. This not only helps them process their feelings but also reinforces the trust and connection between you and your child.  When people feel heard and see that we aren’t dismissing their worries, they automatically begin to relax into the safety of the relationship.

4. Model Calmness and Emotional Regulation

Many kids are highly attuned to their caregivers’ emotional states. When you model calmness, even in stressful situations, children learn how to regulate their own emotions.  The key here is authenticity.  ‘Faking it till you make it’ won’t work well with coregulation.   Practice taking deep breaths, pausing before reacting, and naming your emotions (“I feel frustrated right now, but I’m going to take a moment to calm down.”).  Acknowledging your feelings and showing your child how you are working through them will help them recognize that feelings are temporary and not something to be afraid of.

5. Offer Simple Choices to Empower Kids

When routines change, people can feel a loss of control. Giving them small, manageable choices throughout the day, like what shirt to wear, which crunchy snack to eat, or what fun activity to do, will help them feel more at ease and less reactive. This can reduce feelings of stress and frustration, allowing their nervous system to feel more balanced.

6. Offer Redos Consistently

When routines are changing and kids are trying new things, they are going to mess up.  They are going to be extra grumpy sometimes or more impulsive at other times.  Try not to react and instead get curious about what might be going on underneath the behavior.  We’ve all had moments when we say or do something we wish we hadn’t when we are feeling stressed.  Give your child the gift of a second or even third chance to try that again without a harsh response.  We all need that from time to time.

By focusing on connection and offering soothing, supportive strategies, parents and caregivers can help their children navigate the emotional challenges of summer break with greater ease. A calm and predictable environment provides the stability children need to process their emotions and stay grounded, no matter how much their world may be shifting.  If you or your child needs a little more support, please reach out to Encompass.  We are here to help.

The post 6 Tips to Help Kids Navigate Uncertain Times first appeared on Encompass.

If you believe social media, the holiday season is painted with spotless images of peaceful cozy moments – gourmet food, tastefully decorated trees, beautiful candles, or abundant joy. While it can be a special time, it can also be a period of stifled emotions and stress for young children and their grownups. Routine changes, extra events, increased family time, and expectations often create pressure that isn’t visible or acknowledged. Understanding the individual and family stressors that impact kids can help us be more proactive and make this time a more gentle experience for everyone.

Stressor: Overstimulating Environments
Holiday events can be overwhelming with twinkling lights, music, crowds, and unexpected activity. This is particularly true for kids (and grownups) with sensory sensitivities.

Suggestions:
Give yourself and your kids permission to take breaks. If you drive to an event, the backseat of your car might be the perfect little retreat to snuggle up and breathe for a bit. Noise-canceling headphones or sunglasses can be a welcome tool for a child struggling with lights and sounds. For some kids, a quiet corner with a special book or their favorite fidget toy can help them recharge and then rejoin the “fun”. If you’re hosting in your home, you may be surprised by how many people appreciate a designated space where kids can go to relax if needed.

Stressor: Changes in Routine
A departure from normal routines is commonplace at this time of year. Sleep schedule interruptions, different mealtimes, and school or daycare closures can lead to everyone feeling out of control and grasping to regain it any way they can.

Suggestions:
Try to maintain as much routine as possible. For example, keep bedtime consistent and avoid last-minute changes. If you are traveling or attending special events, give your child a “heads-up” on what things may be like so that they know what to expect. If staying somewhere unfamiliar, bring familiar items like blankets or stuffed animals to help recreate a sense of home. Make sure that everyone is hydrated and has frequent protein snacks to help reduce issues with mood fluctuations.

Stressor: Gift Overload
While it may be true that many kids love receiving presents, the sheer number of gifts can be overwhelming. Gift-giving and receiving can also be uncomfortable for many people. It can feel vulnerable to accept gifts, and it can be anxiety-provoking to respond in the way the gift giver expects.

Suggestions:
Consider talking to friends and relatives about reducing the number of gifts or opting for fun memory-making experiences. Help kids learn how to respond to presents by wrapping silly things you find around the house (think cheese grater, remote control, spoon/fork). Take turns unwrapping the gift, thanking the giver, and identifying one true thing about the gift. For example, “Wow, a remote control! Thank you. I love to change the channels.” The sillier you make it, the more you help kids disengage from anxious feelings and expectations.

Stressor: Unfamiliar Social Situations
Holiday gatherings bring together many people you don’t see on a regular basis. While some people enjoy big festive gatherings, they can feel exhausting to others. Many people have expectations around behavior and traditions during family gatherings that create anxiety due to miscommunications or unspoken rules.

Suggestions:
Prepare your child for social interactions in advance and give them an out if needed. Before attending a party or gathering, talk about who might be there and who they might spend time with. Role-playing or reading books about social situations can help reduce stressful feelings and anticipation. Rather than forcing interactions, allow your child time to warm up and decide who they hug/kiss. When we respect their emotional and physical boundaries, we teach them a lot about consent and advocating for themselves. Having an alternate way of interacting with a script can be helpful. Saying something like, “Do you want to give your uncle a fist bump or a high five to say hello?” can help everyone feel more comfortable.

Stressor: Lack of Time for Play
Every year, it seems like time goes faster with gift shopping, holiday decorating, and special events. With such full schedules, it’s easy to forget that we all need time to be playful. Play not only helps kids learn and make sense of the world, it’s also necessary for emotional regulation and physical exertion.

Suggestions:
Whenever you can, add some playfulness into holiday traditions. Things don’t have to be serious to be infused with meaning and memories. Give yourself grace and self-compassion. It’s likely that you are doing your best and that perfection isn’t what your kids are hoping for. Be realistic about expectations, partner with friends or family members to complete tasks, and make room for the imperfections that make you and your family unique. You may find that the memories your kids will cherish the most will be the times things didn’t work out as planned.

Holidays can be a beautiful mix of togetherness and tradition, and they can also be a season of stress and big feelings. By proactively exploring what makes you and your kids stressed during this time of year, you can build traditions that fit your needs. Plan for the child and family you actually have rather than the one you see on social media. Releasing yourself and your kids from the competitive part of the season can go a long way toward creating memories filled with connection, joy, and wonder.

The post The Hidden Stressors of the Season first appeared on Encompass.

In this episode of our Parent Talks Podcast, we sit down with Encompass Mental Health Director Megan Walsh to learn more about the change, why it’s important, and what it means for the children and families we serve.

Contributors:

Encompass Mental Health Director Megan Walsh, MSW, LICSW

Encompass Marketing & Communications Manager Caley George

Thanks for listening!

View All Podcast Episodes

The post Parent Talks Podcast: Behavioral Health is Now Mental Health first appeared on Encompass.

This shift is more than just a name change. It reflects our deep and enduring commitment to fostering connection and emotional healing for the children and families we serve. The term “behavioral health” places an emphasis on behavior management, which can overlook the underlying emotional needs and relational aspects of mental well-being. By selecting “Mental Health,” we highlight our focus on building strong connections and understanding the whole child.

Our vision at Encompass is a community where ALL children thrive. We believe that strong relationships are essential for emotional healing and well-being.

Our dedicated mental health clinicians work tirelessly to create a warm, supportive environment where all kids feel safe to explore their feelings, develop self-worth, and blossom in their relationships. Beyond addressing behaviors, we provide a space where children can find their voice and share without fear. By nurturing a deeper understanding of their feelings and needs, we guide them in expressing themselves in healthier ways, fostering trust and encouraging authentic communication.

We also want to help parents/caregivers focus on being curious about behaviors and what’s behind them so that the child and parent can feel understood and valued within that crucial relationship.

The idea of empowerment is a vital part of our approach. We believe that everyone deserves to shine in their own way. We have also found that when kids can advocate for their needs and feel seen, heard, and valued, they don’t have to resort to challenging behaviors to communicate. When the focus is on connection, shared understanding, and safety, behaviors will change, and even more importantly, emotional and relational healing can occur.

As we transition to our new name, we are excited to continue our mission with renewed energy and purpose. We invite you to join us on this journey as we work together to support Snoqualmie Valley children and families in navigating their individual and collective paths toward mental wellness. With every connection we build, we help create a stronger, more compassionate community where ALL children can thrive.

The post Behavioral Health is Now Mental Health first appeared on Encompass.

Here are some strategies to help guide these important conversations:

First, ask about what they know or have heard. This will likely be very informative. You could learn that they have a pretty full understanding of what has happened, or you might discover that they completely misunderstand what has happened, what could happen, and the implications. You might learn that your child is hearing some really scary things from friends and neighbors or rumors from peers. Maybe they’ve overheard adult conversations or a media clip and jumped to some conclusions. Whatever you hear when you ask what they know will set the stage for what you address next. If you start to refute their thoughts or beliefs too quickly, they may shut down and stop telling you what they are thinking, so make sure you hear them out completely. Try to be patient and not react too strongly to what they say.  You can respond with simple statements like, “Wow,” or “That’s interesting,” while you are gathering information.

Normalize feelings. When your child shares their thoughts, ask them how the thought makes them feel and let them know that you can understand that response and you’ve felt that way before too. Don’t belittle or minimize their feelings even if they don’t make sense to you. You can say things like, “You feel sad and worried that something like that could happen to you or someone you love. I worried about that today too.  When I felt worried, I talked to my friends and went for a walk. What did you do when you felt that way?”

Empower them with honest responses and share the steps being taken to protect them. When discussing complex topics, it’s important to use age-appropriate language. Young children may not grasp abstract concepts, so break down information into simple, clear terms. Instead of discussing domestic violence or shootings directly, you might frame things in terms of feelings and safety. For instance, you could say something like, “Sometimes, people have arguments, but they shouldn’t hurt each other. It is important to me that you feel safe at home.” You might explain that safe grown-ups are working together to keep them safe through changing laws and increasing public awareness of the causes of situations like this.  Let them know what you have committed to do that works towards safety and promotes mental health support.  Help them move toward being proactive by creating a plan for sharing their feelings and letting them know what you are doing to keep them safe.

Help them feel heard. A powerful technique to help kids know you are listening is to repeat back what you heard them say: “You’re feeling angry because kids should be safe in their own home.” “You’re feeling disappointed because people shouldn’t hurt each other.” An added benefit of this technique is that it is also helpful to use when you aren’t sure of what to say. All people want to feel heard and sometimes there just isn’t anything you can say to help them feel better.  Repeating back indicates you are listening, and you care about your child’s perspective. It also can encourage your child to keep opening up which will give you a chance to connect and support your child in a variety of difficult situations.

Keep checking in. Stay attuned to your child. Ask about their thoughts and what they’ve heard. Ask how they are feeling. You can talk about your feelings too. Remember that feelings are okay, so we don’t want to tell kids not to feel a certain way. For example, if your child identifies that they feel scared, instead of saying, “Oh, don’t feel scared,” or “There’s nothing to be afraid of,” maybe ask why they feel scared, or what is most scary. You can validate your child’s emotions by sharing how you feel and helping them understand that feelings come and go.

Let your child lead. Just as some adults thrive by watching every newscast and some need to turn off the constant buzz, some kids will need more assurance, information, and support, and others will seem unfazed. It’s important to bring up the topic with kids and then be watchful. Watch their behaviors, listen to their words, notice any changes in eating or sleeping patterns, and respond with more nurturing discussions when needed.

If you see unexpected behaviors, consider they may be coming from a place of fear. When a child does something you don’t want them to be doing, it can be helpful to wonder (both aloud and in your mind) what they hoped would happen when they did whatever it was. Sometimes when we feel stressed and anxious, we can lose access to our usual coping mechanisms and behave in ways we normally wouldn’t. It can help a child open up if we say things like, “Some kids are feeling worried right now, and when I feel worried, it helps me to talk to a friend wrap up in a cozy blanket, or dance to some fun music.”

Notice and identify anxious feelings early. As you’re watching the news or talking about this issue, you may notice that you start to feel tightness in your chest or discomfort in your stomach. That is your body’s way of letting you know you are becoming anxious. Being mindful of your own stress responses can help you choose a calming technique early. Similarly, observe your child for early signs of stress or anxiety. Is your child starting to speak quickly? Become hyperactive? Become extra fussy? These are all signs that your child could use your help calming their nervous system. Recognize and name the feeling, and then choose a calming strategy, such as taking deep breaths, lying upside down, drinking water, or physical activity (dance party!). It’s important for your child to watch you handle your big feelings in healthy ways.

As adults, we are tasked with managing our own feelings while allowing our kids to experience and share their emotions.  This can be really challenging for anyone and can be almost impossible without support.  The Encompass team is available to support you as you navigate this tragic situation.  If you or your young child needs additional support, please reach out at 425.888.3347.

Additional Resources:

Sesame Street in Communities: Traumatic Experiences

PBS for Parents: Helping Kids with Traumatic Events in the News

The post When Tragedy Hits Close to Home: Tips for Talking with Your Kids first appeared on Encompass.